Maine Coon Kittens By elda1 CC-BY-NC
Twenty-six years old and I am dead. My heart still beats. I still breathe in Oxygen and expire Carbon Dioxide. All my vital functions are strong, but I know that it is a facade.
My spirit is flat.
I approach my dreams with equal doses of conceit and self-doubt. My villans do battle on my shoulder–the screaming and shouting of battle is so loud that I can’t hear myself think.
I know that if I sat down to write, I could write the great American novel. I fear that if I sit down to write, that I would have nothing to say.
Through the battle, a scrawn golden kitten with mangy fur and big sad eyes looks up at me and meows. “Don’t give up,” she says. Those Sad eyes plead with me. I know that to give up on my dreams would mean the death of that sad-eyed kitten. To give up on my dreams would be the death of me. To fight on above the battle…perhaps that kitten could someday be a lion.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Good morning, Sunny! Is this how you are feeling? I am praying for you. I love you, too. We all go through times like this. The important thing is to not let yourself stay there. Can you call someone to stay with Samuel for a couple hours so you can spend some good solid uninterrupted time with the Lord? If there is anything I can do to help or to encourage you, please let me know.
That conceit/self-doubt battle is a doozie! This is a regular annoyance for me too. The only escape I have found is to silence them with the truth that whatever words I have or lack are an offering to the Lord who distributed them in me as He saw fit. Sadly, I forget to rest on that bank and instead find myself too often trying to mediate between conceit and self-doubt (a pointless venture).
Here’s to keeping our hands to the work set before us!
Just came across your blog. I understand. I’m 40 yrs old and still feel the same way sometime.
When I read this post I couldn’t help but think of this verse…He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus (Phi).