Unselfishness and Marriage
Is it possible to be too unselfish in marriage?
Generally speaking, human beings are much more likely to be self-absorbed to a fault, I also think that marriage is a careful balance between being unselfish enough to meet the other persons needs and selfish enough to express your own needs.
With all the changes going on around pregnancy, Brenton and I were both trying to be unselfish and generous but we never actually talked about our own needs and wants. The result was unsatisfying for both of us.
The key to avoiding this trip up is constant communication.
If we had taken just a moment to talk about our relationship, we could have avoided several months of frustration. Satan likes nothing better than to drive a wedge in the communication between two married people. While Brenton and I both had the very best intentions towards one another, the frustration that resulted could have easily resulted in withdrawing from one another and allowing the gap to widen and the frustration to grow. When we talked for just a few minutes, the gap was narrow and the bridge was remarkably easy to cross.
Assumptions are the wedge that drives a relationship apart.
I have always been told that I should never assume anything, but after being around Brenton for 7 years (married 4), I thought I knew how this stuff worked. Perhaps 70 years wouldn’t be long enough for me to understand what makes him tick. Perhaps I should never assume anything.
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August 28th, 2008 at 10:22 am
It sure is amazing how lack of communication can cause problems so quickly. Pregnancy, with all the hormonal changes that come along with that, can easily make that problem worse. I’m afraid that with our first one, Jonathan allowed me to walk all over him, because I was unwilling to control my emotions. I’m working harder this time through, and he’s trying harder to say no when he needs to. We talk a lot more than we did back then, surprisingly. You’d think it would be harder with another child…
September 10th, 2008 at 8:15 am
you’re right- 70 years won’t be enough. We’ve been married 28 years and I still get surprised every now and then by something I’ve learned he thinks.