Breaking up (with your stuff) is hard to do
- faux fur hat. Grandma gave you to me when we were moving up here to Idaho. I had nothing to wear for the cold weather and Grandma is the world’s best thrift store shopper. I thought you were cute. I thought you were fun. Our relationship has been drawn out for 2 years and I just don’t like taking out out in public because you make my face look fat. I’m sorry, I think this is the end.
- A CD. No Boundaries: A benefit for the Kosovar Refugees. You served me well during my angsty teenage years. Some of your songs remind me of various friends I have left behind. Since I’m not an angsty teenager anymore and most of those friends I’d just assume leave in the past, I think I can leave you there too.
- Li’l Abner on DVD. You were on the $1 moving rack. That’s really all you were worth. It was fun while it lasted darling.
- The Home Office Small Business Answer Book. You came in handy. I read you diligently and learned that I need a computer that has at least 4 or more megabytes of memory. I think I’ll go for the “or more” side. You’re just a little too old for me. I can’t continue this relationship any longer.
- A box of spiced cider with 3 packages of drink mix left. You were so good to me in college, I don’t know what happened. Our life paths have drifted apart. You’re just not the one for me anymore. I’m afraid you’ve been replaced by juice from a can.
- A latch hook rug. Little orange and yellow snail, you were passed down from Aaron to Jesse to me. Out of compassion I finished the project and you have languished in a box for several years. It’s time for me to pass you on to someone else. I’m setting you free so you can find someone who really loves you.
- Two jeweled barrettes. I know you try hard, but you’re just not holding up your end of the bargain. We’ve tried to make this relationship work for six years now–ever since my senior prom. You’re just not enough for me.
- Hand-crank wheat grass juicer. You thought this would be a long term relationship. It was just a one night stand. I was drunk off of spices and jambajuice. You’ve gotta go. Now!
- Unopened ball of Raffia. I know you don’t mean any harm and you’re only here to play, but I’m finished with you. I used your friends and now you have to leave. If I need you again, I’ll go you and buy you. I’m sorry, you just can’t stay.
- 15 rolls of unused film and a camera. Sorry, honey, you’ve gotta keep up with the times. You’re just so…old fashioned. Live a little! Go digital!
- 3 red candles. I’m sorry to be the one to break the news to you, but you stink. You stink and I just don’t want you in my house.
- A lamp and lamp shade. You were homeless. I’m a sucker for things that need a home. I’m just not sure this is the best place for you. You could show off your assets better in someone else’s home.
- 1 bag of garbage. I’m just not that in to you.
Tags: De-Cluttering, Thursday Thirteen
