Dandelions and Daydreams

Is it possible to be too unselfish in marriage?

Generally speaking, human beings are much more likely to be self-absorbed to a fault, I also think that marriage is a careful balance between being unselfish enough to meet the other persons needs and selfish enough to express your own needs.

With all the changes going on around pregnancy, Brenton and I were both trying to be unselfish and generous but we never actually talked about our own needs and wants. The result was unsatisfying for both of us.

The key to avoiding this trip up is constant communication.

If we had taken just a moment to talk about our relationship, we could have avoided several months of frustration.  Satan likes nothing better than to drive a wedge in the communication between two married people.  While Brenton and I both had the very best intentions towards one another, the frustration that resulted could have easily resulted in withdrawing from one another and allowing the gap to widen and the frustration to grow.  When we talked for just a few minutes, the gap was narrow and the bridge was remarkably easy to cross.

Assumptions are the wedge that drives a relationship apart.

I have always been told that I should never assume anything, but after being around Brenton for 7 years (married 4), I thought I knew how this stuff worked.  Perhaps 70 years wouldn’t be long enough for me to understand what makes him tick.  Perhaps I should never assume anything.

“Writing is like breathing, ” Julia Cameron says in The Right to Write.  I can’t help but laugh at the analogy.  At least I laugh as best I can with baby crowding my diaphragm and an old back problem flaring up making breathing difficult.  These past few days, whenever I get out of breath, I find myself retreating to the page for solace.

Writing is like breathing.  Both should come naturally, but somewhere the love of words is trained out of us in preference for proper paragraph structure and well diagrammed sentences.  Deep belly breaths are traded for shallow chest breathing as we try to “suck it in” and hide that extra 5 pounds.  Then there are the injuries. The pain between your shoulder blades from poor posture, heavy backpacks, and too many hours at the computer.  The dreamers are injured by that inner voice saying, “You’re just not good enough.”  The writer’s block is created by that voice and the disapproval of a thousand others who seem to say, “You’re not a writer.”

Writing is like breathing.  One day you learn a few simple exercises to stretch out the mucles or build better posture.  One day you pick up a book with ome seemingly silly writing tools, but you figure “what the heck.”  You practice, you exercise, you write ever day.  One day you take a deep belly breath filling your lunghs with oxygen and forgetting about those five extra pounds.  One day you write without concern for grammer and the words speak volumes about your passion.

After one day, life really gets exciting, the fun begins, and writing comes as naturally as breathing.

I think I must have entered a new stage in my pregnancy.  The stage where I eat like a football team.  No, I don’t mean eat like a football player, I mean eat like the whole team!

If you need me, I’m the one hanging out at the fridge.

Pregnancy has to be one of the weirdest life-experiences ever.  My increasingly expanding belly has slowed me down a bit by now, and my day is punctuated with random kicks and punches from the inner space alien that has invaded my body.  I am excited for that late fall day when I will hold this baby in my arms for the very firs time.  Right now, I count my blessings when Baby is kung-fu fighting with my rib cage or tap dancing on my bladder.  I know this child is strong, and I’m fairly certain that he/she will be at least as wierd as his/her parents.

After reading my last post, I realized it might come off as a bit negative.  The past 2 months have certainly not been the easiest months of my life, but I am delighted that God has answered the prayers of so many people who knew about our trouble getting pregnant.

Any pregnancy is a miracle.  A whole baby develops from just a single cell.  Amazing!  When things get hard, I just remind myself that there is a reward waiting at the end of all this.