Is it possible to be too unselfish in marriage?
Generally speaking, human beings are much more likely to be self-absorbed to a fault, I also think that marriage is a careful balance between being unselfish enough to meet the other persons needs and selfish enough to express your own needs.
With all the changes going on around pregnancy, Brenton and I were both trying to be unselfish and generous but we never actually talked about our own needs and wants. The result was unsatisfying for both of us.
The key to avoiding this trip up is constant communication.
If we had taken just a moment to talk about our relationship, we could have avoided several months of frustration. Satan likes nothing better than to drive a wedge in the communication between two married people. While Brenton and I both had the very best intentions towards one another, the frustration that resulted could have easily resulted in withdrawing from one another and allowing the gap to widen and the frustration to grow. When we talked for just a few minutes, the gap was narrow and the bridge was remarkably easy to cross.
Assumptions are the wedge that drives a relationship apart.
I have always been told that I should never assume anything, but after being around Brenton for 7 years (married 4), I thought I knew how this stuff worked. Perhaps 70 years wouldn’t be long enough for me to understand what makes him tick. Perhaps I should never assume anything.
by Sunny Daydreame on August 27, 2008
in Recipes
I have a horrible time getting my husband to eat breakfast. If he has to sit down to eat something, he won’t eat anything at all. This bran muffin recipe came from my mom-in-law’s family, and it is my trick to get Brenton to sit down (yes, you read that right) and eat breakfast. There are some things I just can’t explain. He won’t eat breakfast if it is something he would have to sit down to eat, but if he could just grab it and go (like bran muffins) he will sit down and eat breakfast with me. I love him anyways.
As an aside note, these muffins are very high fiber and great for pregnancy. They are a kitchen staple right now.
I am not above tricks Breakfast Bran Muffins.
This recipe makes a HUGE batch that will fill a gallon ice cream pail.
2 c. 100% bran
2 c. boiling water
1/3 c. margarine
2 1/3 c sugar
4 eggs, beaten
4 c. buttermilk
5 t soda
1 t salt
5 c flour
4 c all-bran cereal
2 c raisins
Mix bran and boiling water, make sure you stir while you are adding the bran to the water other wise you will get lumps of dry bran.
In a separate bowl, cream margarine and sugar. Add eggs. Beat until fluffy. Stir in bran and buttermilk. I confess that I have substituted regular milk or sourmilk for the buttermilk.
Add dry ingredients, folding in. Add raisins. My kitchenaid mixing bowl is big enough to stir all the ingredients but the bran cereal and the rasins. At that point, I transfer the batter into what I refer to as “the world’s biggest tupperware bowl” to stir in the last two ingredients. I also use this bowl for storing the batter in the fridge
fill greased or lined muffin tins 2/3 full. Bake 20 mins at 375* F.
Will keep up to 8 weeks in fridge. The batter will get dryer and turn more brown as the bran cereal absorbs moisture and breaks down–this is normal. This is a somewhat dough-y batter (because of all the soluble fiber), if the batter gets too dry, sprinkle a bit of water (about 1 T at a time) and stir in.
I wonder how these bran muffins would taste with dried blueberries,craisins, or some other dried fruit instead.
Image via Wikipedia This year, Brenton and I have taken the fast lane towards slowing down. One year ago, Brenton and I downsized our apartment and dumped about 1/3 of our posessions. We kept on giving away more stuff, until about 3 months ago when we moved into a 2 bedroom 900 square foot apartment in preparation for the arrival of our baby. Suddenly we have enough space for storage, and our buying has gotten a bit out of hand. With fall coming, we need to slow down and re-evaluate once again.
I think this path to voulntary simplicity started when my body got tired of being ignored and it’s pleas for me to slow down turned into a shout that left me [almost] flat on my back as I tried to finish up my last semester in college.
In February that year, right after an intense week of tests, I came down with mono. I was taking 18 credit hours and most of the classes were only offered once every 2 years. Thankfully, I had some very generous and understanding professors who worked with me so that I could re arrange some tests and deadlines. I dropped one class that wasn’t necessary for graduation. When I wasn’t in class or studying, I was sleeping.
Six weeks after getting sick, I was finally able to get a doctor to tell me what was wrong with me and I got some medicine. Re-gaining my mental alertness was a bit scary when I had been attending classes for 6-weeks in a fog. Especially since I woke up just in time for another round of tests and essays to be due.
I’ve never completely regained my strength after getting over mono. I fight my limits, but my body won’t be ignored. If I ignore a cry for rest, a migraine will send me to bed for a painful day of sleep and then a second day is usually required to recover from the migraine. Stress weakens my immune system, so almost ever vacation for the past 3 years has been accompanied, or followed, by a cold or a cough. I can fight my limitations, but I lose.
My body continually says to me, “slow and simple living is best.” The fight comes from the culture surrounding me that shouts, “Why are you resting?” In truth, I have been forced to question every lesson that I have been taught by this fast paced culture. In many ways, I have had to check out of the culture and Brenton and I have learned to live by our own set of rules. This weakness, this thorn in my side has necessitated our journey to simplicity. I can fight my limitations if I want, but the enemy is my own human frailty. The fight will leave me weak and sick and still limited by myself.
The thing is, accepting and living within my limitations has brought me to recognizing and accepting my natural life rhythms. Accepting that I can’t be it all or do it all has pushed me to evaluate my priorities and pursue the important things. I have had to cut out the things that were good but not best. I have had to simplify my life and my goals.
A while back, I wrote about life being like living in a travel trailer. You can only pack so many things into a travel trailer so you have to decide what is most important to live. Perhaps being forced to learn that lesson while still in my 20’s was a blessing in disguise. We all have to recognize our limitations; I was blessed to learn early.
