It is not easy being perfect
Wednesday, April 27th, 2005Most people think that the perfectionists of the world have it all together. They end up being the ones who turn in the perfectly formatted paper with five extra resources and getting the straight A’s.
I may look and act like it is all under control, but some days I really hate my life. I have such unreallisticly high standards that I will never be able to please myself. Even when I was working three jobs and taking 17 credit hours, I felt lazy. I had free t ime so I should do something else. I am my own worst enemy. I am my slave driver. I am my highest critic–I need no other.
I hold higher standards for myself than God holds for me. In the end, it is idolatry. I want to be perfect. I have to be perfect. I know, in my heart, that perfection belongs only to God. In my mind, I know that if I worked a little harder I too could be perfect.
Where does it leave me? Depressed. Felling stupid over an 87. A horrible housewife because of a mess. A failure as a daughter because I don’t always call. An ungrateful wretch for not writing thank you notes right away. Easily irritable at the slightest hint of criticism. Debiltatedly anxious over the possibility of failure. Avoidant of situations that I cannot control. Sick over novel situations. Afriad to try new things. Dependent on my old standbys. Desperate to break free of this Hell I live in.
No, it really is not easy being perfect. Perfection does not come naturally.
